Ungodly Horrible Fan Fiction
by NunuSama
Summary: The dreaded Book. It has made its way into the Naruto Universe and converted three young ninja into its holiness. If one can read the book with out there eyes burning and melting out of there head, that one could hold unimaginable power. Sasuke decides he wants this power too...But there's a catch, not only dose he have to deal with the three that hold the book, He has to be nice.
1. Enter teh fangirls

Chapter One -Enter the Fan Girls-

Summery: You know you want to click it... Cliiickk ittt. why is it called horrible? You know you want to flame. Click it and lose brain cells. We dare you.

EDIT: :D Spelling correction...

_Ok this is a experiment Akatsukilvr, another friend, and I are conducting. We want to know just how many flames we can get. We also want to know... Can you make it past the first chapter? Heh much less the third. If you do pay attention and the Mary Steavy Stu sueness dose not kill you prematurely then you'll notice that we tryed are best on keeping canon characters in character We tried to write it as if are oc's randomly were there, how would the Naruto crew react? And thus this was born... Anyway, enjoy...maybe...probably not...yeah...You won't make it threw this story..._

_and so we begin..._

It was a beautiful summer day in the village of Konoha, Dango Wazabi was picking flowers in her yard when suddenly her loving mommy came out with a freshly baked pie, made with tender love and care.

Ai Nakata was frolicking gayfuly through the flowers. her black as night hair gently waving in the wind. she waved happily to her friend Dango, who was eating pie while her mommy was giving her a shoulder rub.

"Oh hay Ai! how are you this wonderfully pie filled morning? i know I'm feeling ready to conker the world! with UNICORNS!" Dango said eyes gleaming purple in the wonderful sunlight

"Oh wonderful Dango! my father has given me such a beautiful present this morning! look!" Ai held out her hands, showing her friend a small glass bird. "watch! it moves!" she sang happily. The bird twitched, and the glass bird spread its wings, chirping happily.

"LIKE OMG! MOMMY GIVE ME ONE!" Dango yelled giving her mommy the most beautiful smile and puppy dog eyes.  
>"Of course baby, anything for my sweaty pie!"<br>"Yaw~"

Ai smiled, and pocketed glass bird. "Come on, Dango! We're going to be late for school!" Ai skipped off, singing happily as she went.  
>"Good luck dears i know you will be the bustiest most beautiful Konichi ever!" Mommy yelled flowers and sparkles flowing gracefully from her pores as she waved a napkin in the air.<br>"YAW~"

As Dango and Ai danced ever so beautifully to the ninja Academe, Dango tripped, and fell over a rock.  
>"OH MY GOD MY BEAUTIFUL KNEE! IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! MOMMY!~" Dango started wailing clutching her knee in pain.<p>

"It will be alright Dango! here i have a band-aid!" Ai said, whipping out a random band-aid from her pocket. She peeled back the paper and applied it onto Dango's knee. She smiled, sitting back on the balls of her feet.  
>"Better?"<p>

"It will never be the same... BUT I WILL BE STRONG! FOR MY MOMMY!" Dango cried, rainbows dancing in the background, and waves crashed against a huge cliff. Ai grinned and nodded, pulling Dango to her feet.  
>"Come on! we shouldn't be late, or Sensei will get so mad his head will puff up!" Ai laughed happily, running to the Ninja Academy. Dango nodded and followed.<p>

The two gorgeous girls entered their academe class room and spotted... the hottest boy in the class. His Midnight Duck assed hair gleamed oily in the artificial light cast down from the light bulb, his dark poop colored eyes stared emoly at the black board, his dark blue dandruff covered shirt showed off the slight food baby, and his hands as soft as velvet where crossed uncaring.

Ai grinned, skipping over to Sasuke, who completely ignored her. She stood in front of his desk, still smiling.  
>Dango grinned and sat <em>on<em> his desk.  
>"Hello -Fugly! I know today is the day I beat you in the ninja arts!~" Sasuke just twitched in annoyance. Ai giggled, then gasped.<p>

"Sasuke-san! may I show you something?" She didn't wait for a reply, but pulled out the glass bird from her dress pocket. "My papa gave it to me this morning! and look! it moves!" The glass bird tweeted, and spread its wings. Sasuke glanced at it, grunted and turned away. Some one bumped into Ai, causing her to drop the bird. It fell off the desk, and crashed onto the floor, shattering.

Ai stared at the remains of her present, tears spilling over. "M my bird...p papas present...i it broke..." Ai began sobbing, much to Sasuke's annoyance.  
>"Eh? oh...I'm sorry. Akamaru jumped out of my arms..." Kiba Inuzuka apologized, rubbing the back of his neck. Ai sobbed harder, causing Sasuke to twitch.<p>

Dango glanced, uncaring, at Kiba.  
>"Its too bad Ai, my Mommy will be getting me one tho, so -Fugly you will get to see one!"<p>

The door burst open and Saya, a girl with perfect blonde hair, walked in. "Hello friends!" she said happily with rainbows and pretty pink flowers growing in the background. "Hi Sasuke!" she said waving at him and giggling when he looked at her. She skipped over to the group and sat by them. "Isn't it a wonderful day to KICK EVERYONE'S ASS...hehe" she said taking on her happy composure again.

Naruto Uzumaki, a wonderful Blondie in a bright orange suit leaned closer to Shikamaru. he was a devilishly hansom boy, his shiny brown hair pulled into a pony tail.  
>"Its like they're in their own Mary-Sue filled world... it scares me." Naruto whispered, Shikamaru shivered as Dango ejected flowers from her right nose nostril.<p>

Ai sniffled, and went back to her seat. she sat down, and immediately perked up, ready for class to begin. Dango sat next to her, sneezing out one last petal before staring intently up at the board, as if willing the lesson to begin.

A man in his early twenties, with slick hair styled like Shikamaru's, Only less sexy, entered. His puke green vest was proudly displayed. he turned to the class and cleared his throat.  
>"As you all know today is the day you get assigned teams. team one will be Ai Nakata, Dango Wazabi and Saya McNuggelz. Team two will be..." The three hero's of this poorly written story stopped listening and instead shared smiles, that they were all on the same team.<br>"There is no way three beautiful girls like us can not be Genin. were too awesome." Dango whispered to Ai who giggled and nodded.

Sasuke resisted the urge to just stand up and slap Dango.

Oh yeah, the Elemental Lands where going to have the best-est most wonderful day ever.

for this marked the day...

of Team One. Aka: The Forever Beautiful.

_Me: DO YOU FEEL YOUR EYES BURNING? MUHAHAH_  
><em>Akatsukilvr: I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THIS! MY BRIAN IS MELTING AND WERE THE ONES WRITING IT!<em>  
><em>Me: Anyway that's a wrap of UHF. yeah. you know you loved it. <em>  
><em>Akatsukilvr: PLEASE FORGIVE UUUSSSS! -melts into a puddle of shamed goop-<em>  
><em>Me: please flame us!<em>  
><em>Friend: Its supost to be review. :[<em>  
><em>Me: Please be honest with us! We really wanna know what you thought! oh and if you made it to the next chapter...<em>


	2. welcome to deh world of mary sue

Chapter Two -The Way of The Mary-Sue-

_Like OMG thank you for your Beautiful Reviews! We all loved them very much~(we even got a death threat!) For those who found this story to be so pain wrenching and gut killing, and feeling as if we just scooped your eyes out and replaced them with peanut butter. We are deeply sorry._  
><em>This one will be worse.<em>  
><em>For those of you who alerted and Favorited... O.O<em>

_Please enter the word of Marry-Sues_

Excerpt From: How to be Perfect pg 1.

_"How is it that we are perfect, and you are not? Tis simple, really. We where born with naturally perfect looks, manners, and irresistible charms. How you may ask, can you achieve such perfectness? Well you picked up the right book! We sacrificed our own time, to help you retched unperfects learn how to become perfect. And so, we open up our arms, and embrace you into the world of Mary-sues_!"

Dango sighed wishfully as she closed her favorite book.  
>"This book saved me from being imperfect. Along with my Beautiful Team."<br>"Uh...ok?" Natsume-Sensei, a newly made Jonin, watched her new team with ice blue eyes. Her black hair was pulled into a quick bun and she wore the usual Jonin outfit. She was painfully average.

"In... any case, your test is to defeat me in battle. Use any means necessary." Natsume-Sensei said stepping away from the team of Marry-Sues.

Dango jumped up, book magically gone, and pulled out...

A little fairy wand with a pineapple as the tip.

Natsume-Sensei sweat dropped as Ai and Saya Gasped in shock.  
>"Your going to use THAT?" Ai yelled pointing at the pineapple wand.<br>"It will kill her!" Saya whispered in awe.  
>"I know. But this world needs to know... I AM THE FAIRY QUEEN OF THE MOON! I ACTIVATE YOU POWERS!" Dango screamed pointing the wand at the sky.<p>

_-Team Ones Mind-_

Lightning flashed angrily, crashing down into Dango, lighting up her skeleton.  
>Dango screamed in pain but did not falter, holding her wand high.<br>The lightning dimmed leaving Dango dressed in a beautiful kimono, that shined like the moon itself. Suddenly the wand glowed and the moon appeared in front of the team.  
>"Use my power wisely young one, and it will destroy all in your way." The Moon whispered in a deep and sexy voice.<p>

Dango bowed to the moon and held her wand determined.  
>"I will not fail. We will save the world. Hear my friends, Take a wand! Fight for good!"<p>

_-Real World-_

Dango laughed madly, waving a stick in circles screaming "Magic sparkles of dooom!"

Natsume-Sencei died a little inside.

Ai Giggled and seemingly grabbed air.  
>"I AM THE FAIRY OF APPLES!"<br>Saya did the same.  
>"FEAR ME OH MOON! I WILL BE! PRINCESS OF PEAS!"<br>"Its fairy's. were fairy's." Dango snapped evilly.

Natsume let out a breath of air wishing she could be done with this horrible thing.  
>"ATTACK!" Saya screamed rushing at Natsume, she wiped out a kunai and swiped at her head. from behind Ai sprung attempting to swipe Natsume's legs from under her, but she jumped up, while blocking another kunai swipe from Saya.<p>

"LIGHTNING I COMMAND YOU! STRIKE DOWN NATSUME-SENSEI!" Dango screamed pointing her wand to the sky. The sky _actually_ rumbled causing Natsume to sweat a bit in shock as she continued to doge the two genin's attacks.  
>"I SAID I COMMAND YOU!" Dango screamed flaring her chakra. The sky screamed and brought down terrible lightning pillars, scorching the ground.<p>

Dango was laughing manically, "YES! WAHAHAHA YES! STRIKE DOWN NATSUME!"

The lightning flashed close to Natsume but she managed to doge out of the way in shock.  
>"YAW! Dango-Chan is using her Mary-sue power!" Ai giggled the lighting mysteriously missing them.<br>"I want to use my Mary-sue power~" Saya whispered evilly, perfect blond hair wisping around her face.

Saya's eyes turned red.  
>"The ultimate blood line of the McNuggles. BLOODLINE COPYER! SHARINGON!" Saya screamed black pinwheels appearing in her eyes.<br>"AND THE BYAKUGON!" The black marks turned silver white of the byakugan and Saya took up the Juuken.

"I also want to show my Mary-Sue power." Ai said evilly.

Natsume was freaking out._ 'I never knew there was a clan called McNuggles... and where the hell is this power coming from? its not normal!'_

"MY VOICE! AhhhahahaaaaaahahhhhAHAHAHAH !" Ai let off a wail causing Natsume to drop to her knees in pain as her ears started to bleed. Ai grinned in delight.

Dango skipped to Natsume.  
>"Well? Do we win."<br>"What?"  
>"Do we win."<br>"What?"  
>"...I said-"<br>"She cant hear you Dango. My scream broke her ear drums." Ai said with a sweat drop.  
>"What?"<br>"Oh... DO WE WIN?"  
>"I guess so... you freaks." Natsume thought she muttered under her breath but in fact practically yelled it.<br>"I'm going home." Natsume shouted loudly standing and leaving.

"YAW! WERE NINJA!" Saya yelled doing a happy dance her eyes fading back to blue.  
>"YAW!" Ai yelled shagging her booty happy.<br>"YAW! We well bring the Mary-Sue back. And end WORLD HUNGER!" Dango screamed lightning flashing in the background.  
>"BELIEVE IT!" Saya yelled.<p>

_Yet again we see are hero's end the normality of another human being. Poor Natsume-Sensei. Please leave a review~ :D_


	3. Making the World Go Round Marrysue Style

Chapter Three

_Exerpt from How to be Perfect, pg 10._

_We Mary-sues are fragile beings. One hit will bruise our porcelain wight skin, and ruin our glow. Every Mary-sue needs their own Knight in shinning armor, to gallop to our rescue and slay the dragon! To protect us from evil, and love us so much they would lay their life down, so we do not step in mud. Mary-sues are not strong, but when pushed to her limit will produce so much energy and strength, she will concer the world in a matter of minuets._

"WAC HA!" Dango screamed karate chopping her training post, and watching in starvation as it crumbled into splinters.  
>"Waah! So cool! Dango let me try! WOTCHA CHAR CHAR!" Ai yelled a tree crumbling.<br>"OH YEAH? BEAT THIS! HEY YAW!" Saya kicked the Hokage mountain and watched as it crumbled into dust.

Ai grinned, grabbing a diamond she had pulled out of the ground. "WAAA BACHAAAAA!~" with just a little chakra, she crumpled the diamond into dust.  
>"NO! MY DIAMOND!" Dango screamed into the heavens! "I WAS WAITING FOR IT TO GROW!"<br>"Diamonds don't grow dummy." Saya said nodding sagely.  
>"YES THEY DO! Ronicca would have grown into a beautiful diamond tree! Then we would have gotten married on top of a mountain!(I got this from a fan video..Of Kesame and Itachi...) but you crushed that too!" Dango wailed.<br>"Bah, all you do is bitch, moan, and emo. grow up Dango." Ai sniffed tossing her hair behind her shoulder.  
>"Yeah. Were ninja now. We need to grow up." Saya agreed.<p>

Dango stared at her friends hurt.

And with that she ran away balling her eyes out and wailing for her mommy.

Ai spazed running after Dango. "Wait! Dango I didn't mean it!"

Dango sniffed turning to Ai.  
>"Y you mean it?" OvO<br>"Of course! It was not right of me to say such ungodly horrible things to you!" Ai said, tears clouding over her beautiful pale blue eyes.  
>Dango let tears well up in her own goddess like eyes of molten silver.<br>"AI!"  
>"DANGO!" The two youthful girls hugged each other, tears flowing to the ground. where ever they hit beautiful plants sprouted from the ground, blooming roses of all different colors.<p>

Saya sniffed feeling left out.  
>"I wish to be part of the magic Marry-Sueness!"<br>"SAYA!~" Ai and Dango enveloped Saya into a hug. they started crying happily, and more plants enveloping the three konichis.

Natsume-Sensei thought she would be sick.  
>"Yes well why don't we ask the Hokage for an S-Class mission." Natsume said brightly.<br>_'And that will kill them. And if not, they will be mentally scared... forever heheheheheheh'_ Natsume thought evilly.  
>"NO WAY WE GET TO TAKE ON A CRIMINAL AHHHHHH I'M SO EXCITED!" Ai screamed, in her high pitched voice. "IF THAT DOESN'T GET SHIKA-KUNS ATTENTION NOTHING WILL!"<p>

"NARUTO MY SECRET LOVE, YOU WILL ALSO NOTICE ME!"Dango yelled passionately.  
>"KAKASHI HATAKE! I LOVE YOU! I DON'T CARE IF YOUR LIKE FIFTY YEARS OLDER THAN ME! AND ITS CREEPER!" Saya screamed into the heavens.<p>

"AAAAAACHOOOO!" Kakashi Hatake and Naruto Uzumaki sneezed at the same time, this sneeze was also accompanied by the feeling of chills going down there backs.  
>"I have a bad feeling." Naruto admitted looking around nervously.<br>"Hmmm..." Kakashi Hummed in thought.

Shikamaru let out a small squeaky sneeze and sniffed in thought.  
>"Troublesome"<p>

Ai grinned, spinning around singing Mary had a little lamb in a beautiful voice that made birds cry and fall out of the sky. Saya grinned, and sang along. together they made the heavens weep and birds die because it sounded so beautiful.

Dango wilted feeling leftered out. she soon decided to find Naruto and stalk him... after... taking care of a particular hyuuga... no one would find her after she was done.  
>"Muhahahahahahah."<p>

Hinata gave a tiny sneeze and looked around.  
>'M-Maby I s-should l-leave... i can s-stalk N-Naruto-kun l-latter...'<p>

Ai smiled, following Natsume-sencei like the stalker Mary Sue she is. They went into the Hokage building, to ask for a s-rank mission.  
>"Ah, Natsume-San, did your team pass?" The Hokage asked curiously.<br>"Hai. I came for an S-Class mission."

Iruka, who had been siting next to the Hokage, did a spit take and started choking. the Hokage blinked and rose an eyebrow.  
>"There only genins."<br>"...No...They... Are... Itachis."

Silence filled the room...

"You mean to say..." Iruka whispered.  
>"Mary-Sue." Natsume whispered, chills went down everyone but Ai's spine. She smiled sweetly, flowers and candy emanating from her pores. The Hokage shuddered, attempting to cover it up with a shrug.<br>"Please, Hokage-Sama-"  
>"There still genin. Just... keep an eye on them and hope it dies down." Hokage said sadly.<br>"Get a D-rank." Iruka murmured pointing to a pile of small scrolls.  
>"But...I want to test my skills! I WILL PROTECT MY COMRADES IF IT KILLS ME DAMN IT! I mean, um...please?" Ai looked at the Hokage, big blue doe eyes blinking innocently.<p>

"No." =.= Hokage and Iruka monotoned. Natsume-Sensei cried emoly and grabbed a scroll at random.  
>"Painting a fence."<p>

.

.

.

TT,TT ← Natsume-Sensei's face.  
>"Then if I must protect my friends by painting a fence...I WILL PAINT THE BEST FENCE EVER! FOR DANGO! AND SAYA! AND NATSUME-SENSEI!" Ai screamed, doing a super man pose.<br>Iruka died a little inside, feeling sorry for Natsume.

The Hokage smiled.  
><em>'at least the Mary Sues are always loyal...'<em>

"NARUTO-KUN I LOVE YOU!" echoed threw the tower...  
>The Hokage cried emoly inside.<p>

000

Dango stood in the shadows, watching team 7, more specifically, Naruto.  
>"Oh Naruto how i wish to ravish you under the moon~"<p>

Naruto felt chills go down his back and he looked around nervously, but finding nothing went back to picking up garbage from the lake.

"Oh Naruto..." Dango sighed wishfully.  
>"Ever since that day you saved me from eternal loneliness~"<p>

Flash back:

Naruto walked past Dango in the halls.  
>"Hey."<br>"eh?"  
>Dango watched Naruto go to class.<p>

Flash back end:

"NARUTO-KUN I LOVE YOU!"

"AHHHHHH!" Naruto fell over, landing in the water with a splash. he surfaced, coughing and sputtering.  
>Dango gasped and covered her mouth.<p>

Sasuke looked over at the bush Dango was hiding in and rose an eyebrow.  
>Dango felt it... dah power...<p>

"YOU SASUKE-SAN ARE A FUTURE STEVIE-STU!"

"Stevie-Stu!"

"Stevie-Stu!"

This echo rounded though out the village, finally resting heavily on the Hokage brain. he groaned, rubbing his temples wearily.  
>"Why did you have to die, Yondame? And leave me to have to deal with the MaryStevie Sue/Stu?"  
>"WAH CHAR CHAR CHE CHAR!"<br>CRUNCH!  
>"LIKE OMG I'M SO SORRY FOR BREAKING YOUR HOUSE!" Saya yelled brightly.<br>"Kami take me now."

_Are you still alive? I doubt it... Anyway... Review please? With sugar on top?_


	4. STEAVY STU!

CHAPTER FOUR! STEVIE STU!

_Exerpt from: How to be perfect, Pg 29._

_When you want something, do not hesitate to take it. Mary-sues deserve riches beyond the commen folks dreams, and be loved unconditionally. Those who do not love a Mary-sue, is not human. We are perfect beings, almost God-like, and must be loved. If we are not loved, then we die. So love us! Love us and never let us go!_

"HIIIIYAAAAAAAA! TAKE THAT! AND THAT! WAAA CHAR CHAR!" Ai screeched, swinging her paint brush every were, as well as splattering paint. Natsume ducked as a glob of wight paint flew at her head.

"AI! STOP THAT!" Natsume yelled in her best teacher voice. Already stopped Saya from almost destroying another house, and Dango from eating all the apples. Ai sniffed sadly, but went back to painting the fence normaly. Natsume sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Why did she have to be forced with such ungodly Mary-sues?

"YEAH! WE GOT ARE FIRST C-RANK!" Naruto Uzumaki yelled as he and team 7 passed. Ai stopped painting, looking up frowning.  
>"What? Sasuke-Kuuun got a C-rank...and we cant even get a S-rank? THAT'S CRUEL!" Ai screamed, sobbing into Natsumes shirt.<br>"Well if its so cruel stow away or something." Course Natsume-sensei was being sarcastic... but that didn't stop Dango's brain from turning. Dango smiled evilly and pulled out a random summoning scroll that said, "Summon dah Marry-Sue trio."

Dango snuck up behind Naruto and suddenly glomped him, and seemingly butt raped him, before running away laughing all crazy like.

"... What the fuuuuuuuck" Naruto said sweat dropping.  
>"NARUTO!" Sakura screamed pounding him on the head, and than mysteriously was hit by a rock. A secretly evil Hyuuga smiled at her good rock throwing skills. Sakura looked around, rubbing her head confused.<p>

Ai sniffed, then went back to painting slowly.

Kakashi thanked what ever kami was out there that he was stuck with these three lunatics, and not the Mary-sues.

"Kakaaashiiii! Help meeee!" Natsume wailed, crying pitifully. Kakashi looked at her, then pulled out his book walking away.

THWUMP!

"DON'T EVER WALK AWAY FROM SENCEI WHEN SHES TALKING TO YOU EVER AGAIN YOU HEAR ME?" Saya screamed, after hitting Kakashi in the head with her paint can.

"Ya!" Ai shouted. "...Freak!"

"Nice one Ai!" Dango gave her a thumbs up, grinning happily. Ai smiled, and went back to painting.

Kakashi rubbed his head glanced at Natsume and shruged.  
>"I am NOT getting caught up in THAT." He said causing Natsume to sob pitifuly. Another paint can zoomed past his head. Kakashi flinched, stepping to the side.<p>

"How dare you make Sencei cry! what kind of knight in shining armor are you?" Ai shouted angrily.  
>Kakashi sighed.<br>"Well I'm not a knight in shining Armor." He said looking at his book, and walking away.

"I LOVE YOU KAKASHI!" Saya yelled waving hakerchef dabing at her nose. Ai rolled her eyes, not understanding why saya was in love with an old man, no matter what he mite look like under that mask.

000

"OMG WHY THE FUCK IS MY PANTS SO HEAVY? DATABEYO!" Naruto yelled spazing. Sasuke's Head turned roboticly towards Naruto.  
>"Your... pants are.. heavy?" Sakura asked confused.<br>"Yeah ever sense Dango butt raped me." Naruto said nodding sagely. Sasuke twitched at that comment, anger bubbling from no where at Dango. Naruto dug in his pocket, pulling out a scroll frowning.  
>"Its really...heavy..." Naruto broke the seal, letting it unroll.<p>

BANG!

All four ninjas jumped in surprize as smoke filled the small road side team seven was at.  
>"DANGO WAZABI!"<br>"AI NAKAHARA"  
>"AND SAYA MCNUGGLES!"<br>"WE ARE~" Dango cryed out as the smoke was wiped away by random gust of wind,  
>"THE POWER PUFF NINJA'S~" They all cryed at once, capes flowing in the wind.<p>

.

.

"What the fuuuuuck." Naruto and Sasuke chimed in horror.  
>"I'm glad you called us Naruto-Kun!" Dango yelled running over to Naruto and hugging him.<br>"KAKASHI I LOVE YOU!" Saya declared, making kakashi twitch in horror.  
>"If only you were hear Shikamaru Nara, my one true love~" Ai sang staring up at the sky. Sasuke felt his eye twich as the insanity unraveled around him, taking what he knew of the world...<p>

And utterly crushing it.

"Get off me! I don't even know you!" Naruto shouted in horror.  
>"Silly! we have been going to the same academe for who knows how long!"<br>"THREE DAYS!" Naruto shouted, but Dango ignored him.  
>"I mean I'm surprised you haven't fallen for me yet. I AM perfect you know." Dango said posing for Naruto. He shuddered, pushing Dango away and running behind Sakura. Ai was picking dandelions, and popping the heads off them sadly.<p>

Dango pouted at Naruto and shook her head.  
>"Its OK. It will take some time. I'm sure my perfect beauty has simply dazzled your mind." Dango nodded sagely and turned to Kakashi who was fending of Saya with a stick, her one... weakness. Her kryptinight. Her nemesis. The. .Doom.<p>

"I WILL HAVE YOU KAKASHI! YOU CAN NOT RESIST MY BEAUTY!" Saya screamed int o the heavens.  
>"Yes I can." Kakashi monotoned.<br>"NO YOU CANT! ACTIVATE FAIRY POWAH!"

"WERE MOON PRINCESSES DAMN YOU!" Dango screamed at Saya, throwing a rock at her head but missed miserably.  
>"lalalallala!" Saya sang beautifully surrounded in a green glow. She twirled some, letting her clothes disintegrate, and be replaced by a breath taking dress of diamond.<p>

Kakashi didn't even look up from his book.

"KYAAAAAAAA!~~ ITS A PUDDLE! NOOOOOO!" Ai screamed, running away from a small puddle and hiding behind Sasuke. He pushed her away emoly.  
>"Go away brat." he grunted.<br>"b b but! its a puddle!" she whispered, materializing behind him again.  
>"hn." He pushed her away again, stepping aside when she ran at him. Ai slammed into a tree, sliding to the ground.<p>

"Sasuke-kun! How come you hurt Ai?" Dango asked giving Sasuke puppy dog eyes.  
>"Hn."<br>"I WILL LOVE YOU TOO!" Dango declared.  
>"Naruto and Sasuke and Me. We will be the fearsome threesome!" Dango laughed madly as two ninja sat listening in the puddle shivered.. Kakashi looked up from his book, wondering why the puddle moved.<p>

"No." Sasuke and Naruto deadpanned.  
>"...but... i love you both and i cant possibly chose." Dango said thoughtfuly, as the ninja decided they would kill her first. She was disgusting them after all.<p>

SPLUSH SPLUSH!  
>"NO THE PUDDLE CAME ALIIIVVVVE!" Ai screamed running up a tree in fear of her kryptinight. "SHIKAMARU SAAAAAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!"<p>

Back in the leaf village, a cold wind blew through the Nara compound, sending shivers up a certain lazy ninjas spine.

Chains wrapped around Kakashi, because Dango hide behind him, and sliced him to peaces, much to Dango's sadness, and Saya's horror.

"MY BEAUTIFUL KAKASHI-SAMA! HOW DARE YOU!" Saya burst into chakra flames and grabbed the two chunin by the throught instantly killing them.  
>"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!"<br>"Saya! there dead!" Ai yelled.  
>"...oh." the chakra died down and the Mary-sue dropped the two chunin with a sniff.<p>

Kakashi dropped down from a tree, visible eye wide. "Well...that was...unexpected..." he said frowning.  
>"Psh, what do you expect? Were Mary-sues." Ai said laughing.<p>

Sasuke's eye's were wide in shock.  
>"How...?"<br>"Sasuke-Kun, we do not share the book of Mary Stevy Sue Stu unless they are proven worthy. If one is worthy they are granted with unimaginable power!" Dango said in a misty voice, holding a pink fuzzy book to her chest, birds and rainbows in the back ground. Ai nodded, grinning happily.

"The secrets are only for thoes who can keep to the Mary Stevy Sue Stu pledge of allegiance!" Saya yelled, pointing to the sky as if the pledge was just going to scribble its self in the stars like the beginning of star wars.

"Ah the beautiful pledge." Dango sighed happily looking to the stars as well...  
>"Why are you staring into the sun?" Kakashi asked confused.<p>

Eveyone ignored him in faver of sasuke who was in Dagos face in a nano secent.  
>"Tell me the pledge."<br>"Hmm you have the right attitude i guess, and you do appear Stevy Stu... what say you Ai-Chan?" Dango asked curiously.

"Hmm..." Ai circled around Sasuke, as well as Dango and Saya. "He is well groomed, the properties of a Stu. His hair has a lush to it only a Stevie could do, but his personality." Ai stopped circling and looked Sasuke strait in the eye.

"You are too emo. You must embrace the happy flowers, and joyful sunshine of the optimistics!" She declared, pointing a finger at Sasuke. Dango nodded.  
>"And than, KABASH! you say the pledge and the world is your power! I The Pinaple princess holds the power of lightning and wind!" Dango shouted, "With never ending chakra reserves only mary sues and naruto can achieve!"<p>

"Oi don't bring me into this! Dattabayo."

Sasuke twitched. "What do i... have to do?" he asked slowly, as if trying not to throw up. "To be...optimistic...?"  
>"You have to beleive in everyone! even when you know there going to lose!" Saya said suddenly.<br>"Oh, and when you are faced with an opponent, you crush them utterly, in the kindest way possible, while humiliating them, and showing them the right way in life. The way of worshiping the marry sue." Dango said nodding.  
>"At least you get to shower them in flowers." Ai said dropping some flowers on the two dead chunin.<br>"Agreed." Saya said nodding.

"Fine.." Sasuke said desiding he needed the power.  
>"First and foremost, you must take the pledge." Dango said handing the book to Ai.<p>

"set your hand on the book, and hold your other hand eye level." She instructed. Sasuke did so, eye twitching. Every one couldn't help but watch as Sasuke condemned himself to misery.

"Repeat after me. "I pledge to be perfect, in mind, body and beauty.'" Ai said slowly.

"I pledge to be perfect, in mind body and...beauty." Sasuke quoted, chokeing slightly.

"'To live in the wonderful sun-lit world, and to hold the codes of the Mary Stevie Sue Stu dearly to my heart.'"

"To live in the...wonderful sun-lit world, and to hold the codes of the Mary Stevie Sue Stu dearly to my heart"

"'I will banish the ugly imperfectness from my body, and mind. i give my whole soul to the book, and will live and die a Stevie Stu.'"

"I will banish the ugly imperfectness from my body and mind. i give my whole soul to the book, and will live and die a Stevie Stu." Sasuke said, glaring hatefully at the pink fuzzy book.

The book suddenly gave an eary light and it shot into sasuke, filling him with the power of... The Evil Stevy. Ai grinned holding the book high over her head.

"Welcome to the fellowship of the book!" Ai cried happily.  
>"Now UZUMAKI NARUTO,! IT IS YOUR TURN!"<br>"NEVER!" Naruto screamed throwing kuni at Dango who smirked and used her mind to control them and push them away, like the marry-sue she is.

"And now that you have joined Sasuke, your first task is to give complements to... everyone." Ai said ominously.  
>Sasuke's head snapped around with a sharp crack.<br>"What!"

Omaki:

This is what we misspelled and came out funny:

"Welcome to the fellowshit of the nook!"

**Akatsukilvr: THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING! this story is really amusing to write...STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER FIVE! UHF! OUT!**

**Me: WAIT! we have four reviews, two of witch were flames, and one of which was a death threat... THANK YOU! please flame us some more! We are masochists and we like it!**


	5. Becomeing Steavy Stu

Chapter Five -Becomeing Stevy Stu-

_Exerpt from How To Be Perfect Pg 329_

_Becoming a Sue Stu is a delecate process, not many can servive the transaction. Usualy their body will wilt and decay from the power of perfection. Some times one even spontainiusly combusts! But if your need for perfect power is strong, you will become perfect. You will sepperate yourself from filthy imperficts, and gain unimaginable power._

Dango paused in her reading as sasuke started druling.

First you must compliment everyone. Even if they look discusting, horrid, and dirty. Its is the way.

"Well there's your first step Sasuke-Kun. Complement everyone for the rest of the day." Dango said shutting her book. Sasuke looked horrified at the mere thought.  
>"Well there is one good thing about Mary-sues, they always have something nice to say." Sakura said.<br>"Eh? when did you get hear?" Saya asked.  
>"I've been hear the whole time!" Sakura shouted in anger.<br>"Oh... I like your hair." Saya said, defusing Sakura's temper sucsesfuly. Ai nodded, walking over and petting her head.

"How do you get it so soft?" She asked wide eyed. Sakura smiled and toched the tip of her hair.  
>"I used some stay in conditioner. It was expensive but totaly worth it!" Sakura said brightly.<p>

"Sasuke-Kun dont you have something nice to say to Sakura?" Dango asked nudging him in the ribs. Sasuke twiched...

"..."  
>"Its the way" Ai said sagely.<br>"...I...Like your... hair." Sasuke ground out eye twiching madly.  
>"Sasuke-kun! KYAAAA!" Sakura squealed in delight scaring Naruto and causing him to go deff.<br>"Good job Sasuke!" Ai said in delight clapping her hands.

"Can we go?" Kakashi asked with a sigh.  
>"Oh yeah, we forgot you were on a mission!" Saya said brightly. Kakashi just sighed and started walking, the old man (Who was forgotten) followed in awe of the Marry-sue's and the Stevy-Stu.<p>

Suddenly Naruto tensed and tossed a few kuni into a random bush.  
>"THERE!"<br>"NARUTO!" Sakura yelled while Dago pulled out minn flages with chibi narutos on them and waved them.  
>"Goooooo NARUTO! Whooo!" Dango laughed and waved her flages, nudgeing Sasuke.<br>"Dobe...err...Yay. Go Naruto." Sasuke said in a deadpan voice.

Mean while everyone else stared at a scared bunny.  
>"Oh you poor thing! look what you did naruto!" Sakura scolded. Naruto just frowned and glanced around.<br>"I could have sworn someone was there..."  
>"How could you have known?" Saya asked raising an eyebrow.<br>"I heard there heart beat of course." Naruto said as if it was the most obviuse thing in the world.

"Steavy-stu alert!" Dango stage whispered to Ai who nodded.

"OH I'M A LITTLE TEA POT SHORT AND STOUT! HERE IS MY HANDLE HERE IN MT SPOUT!" Dango sang, well more or less screatched. her friends clapped happily, while team 7 cringed. Ai nudged Sasuke in the side and he reluctantly clapped as well.

"Sencei, who where those men any ways?" Naruto asked, feeling a little curious. Kakashi didn't look away from his book, but hummed in thought.

"I beleive thoes where the Oni Brothers, from the Mist village. They are hired assassins and specialise in poisoned weapons-"

"JUST TIP ME OVER AND POUR ME OUT!" Dango cut into the two's conversation, skipping in between them. Naruto glared unhappily. Dango smiled and hugged Naruto, stuffing his face in her perfect assets.

"TRUE LOVE SHALL NOT BE CAST USUNDER BY HORRIBLE TEACHERS!" Ai yelled, grinning happily. Saya nodded striking a super man pose. Sakura frouned, raising an eyebrow.  
>Sasuke twitched, then raised a small flag with a chibi naruto on it, waving it slightly.<br>"No! you must wave it more grandly!" Ai took his hand and waved it spazing. Sasuke smacked her and she let go, pouting.

"Eh?" Kakashi looked up, blinking in confusion.  
>"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Naruto yelled hiding from Dango. Suddenly Kakashi's head snaped up.<br>"EVERYONE DUCK!"  
>"WHERE!" Dango asked looking around for a duck as a huge as sword cut twords her. Naruto tackled her before her head was cut off and the sword imbedded into a tree.<br>"Oh Naruto-Kun! You saved me from that deadly sword! Marry me!~" Dango said cupping narutos cheeks with her hands.  
>"uh...no."<br>(HAHA!)  
>"OH! OH! ITS A SWORD! I WIN!" Ai yelled pointing at the huge sword jumping hyperly. Sasuke grunted, helping sakura up. she blushed and thanked him happily.<p>

"NO AI! ITS A MASKED MAN WITH PAJAMAS" Saya yelled, pointing at the man who had now randomly decided to seal his fate by showing his face to the Mary Sues.

He should have stayed in bed this morning.


	6. Zabuza the Sleeper Man

Chapter 6 -Zabuza The Sleeper Man-

_Expert from How to be perfict. pg. 3021_

"_When faced with a deadly fight, it is Impossible to not show off the Mary stevy ue stu power. DONT HOLD BACK~"_

"SASUKE USE YOUR PAWAH!" Dango screamed pointing at Sasuke with the fluffy pink book.

"DOOOOOOOO ITTTTT" Saya yelled twirling in her dress.

"...Hn..?"

"Say: I ACTIVATE YOU STEVY STU POWER~"

"I activate you stevy stu power..."

BANG~

Sasuke was enveloped in a cloud of smoak and emerged, coughing and spiting... In a bright ruby pink dress.

O.O naruto shook his head and fell to the ground. "Kill me now."

Sasuke held back the barf of the millenium, and riped off the dress leaving him in only his boxers. Sakura died of a nose bleed. poor Zabuza didn't know what to think.

"Hmm, nope. pink just isnt your color." Ai said, looking sasuke up and down. she grinned and snaped her fingers. "Activate, baby blue!" There was another puff of smoke envelopeing sasuke. he coughed again, looking down at him self. it was the same style of dress, only in baby blue, with a barbie pink but bow.

"nonono! he must have a tux! hes my future husband after all~" Dango sang snaping her hands. Sasuke was enveloped, once again, in a smoak, but this time he emrged with a ebony tux with a hot pink tie.

:D Dango smiled.

"No! pink just doesnt go with him! blue!"

Snap.

"Pink!"

snap

"Blue!"

snap.

"PINK!"

"WILL YOU STOP THAT!" sasuke shouted, feeling nauseated from the smoke.

"IM HIS WIFE I GET TO CHOSE!" Dango screamed throwing herself at sasuke whose tie was still pink.

In the background-

"Zabuza Momichi. A pleasure." Kakashi said as Zabuza forced himself to tear his eyes away from the gruesome scene of Mary sues.

"Copy cat Kakashi. Hand over the old man and ill let-"

"KILL ME PLEASE! I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE!" Tazuna shouted, pushing the copy cat ninja away and looking up at the mist nin desperately. "These...these ABOMINATIONS are to horrible to describe! IVE LOST TO MANY BRAIN CELLS!" He wailed, dropping to his knees.

"Don't worry old man! we will protect you till the end!" Dango screamed. The three mary sues took up position in front of Tazuna; who proceeded to wilt in despair.

"...I'm tempted to leave you." Zabuza said with a chuckle. "But my pay check is in order, and and i'm bored." He jumped down from the tree, and pulled his sword from the bark

"YOU HAVE TO GET THREW ME FIRS- blegh" Zabuza kicked dango into the lake and took a swing at Tazuna, only to be blocked by Kakashi.

"protect Tazuna!" Kakashi yelled, pushing Zabuza away from the children.

"Right!" Team 7 stood around Tazuna, trying to protect him.

"Look at your kids kakashi, thinking there real ninja."

"Sasuke USE YOUR POWER!" Dago screamed from the lake.

"AND SAVE ME!"

-background-

"WAAAATTTTER!" Ai wailed in dispare.

"TREEES AND TWIGS!" Saya added, dieing. x.x

-fruntground-

Sasuke groaned. "And how do i do that?" he shouted angrily eye twitching.

"Just beleive!" Dango screamed back.

"... I belive?"

POOF!

Dango, ai and Saya appeared in front of them, Optimus prime standing with them.

"OH HELL NO!"

"OH HELL YES! GO OPTIMUS PRIME!" Dango screamed pointing at Zabuza. the mist nin sweat dropped. kakashi on the other hand, was seriously thinking about suicide.

"No." Optimus walked away, ground shaking with each step he took.

…

"Awkward." Ai said, scraching her head in confusion.

"...Thats my power? Sumoning giant robots?" sasuke asked in disbelief.

"Uh, no you just saved me from drowning." Dango said with a smile. Ai and Saya nodded, grinning happily. He grunted un happily, turning away to the fight between Zabuza and Kakashi.

"Gooooo Kakashi-kuuuun!~" Saya cheered, small hearts floating around her. The other two Mary sues pulled out flags, and t shirts with Kakashi chibis displayed on the front. They waved them around grinning and cheering.

Kakashi ignored them and proceeded to engage Zabuza in battle. The mist nin kicked kakashi into the water and followed after flashing threw hand sines and than capturing the legendary copy cat ninja in a... bubble.

"WHAT! THATS JACK! KAKASHI COULD BAKE UR INSIDES WITH A FIREY EXPLOSION OF SUPER AWESOMENESS AND YOU PUT HIM IN A BUBBLE?! YOUR ONE FUCKED UP PJ NINJA!" Saya screamed stomping her feet angrily. The earth shook and the skys rumbled.

"...thats it. your dead." Zabuza growled, forming a bunch of signs creating water cloanes.

"How original" Dango said nodding sagely. Dango rose up above the others dressed in a yellow shirt and blue pants.

"Like my new poofy pants? because there better than yours!" Dango yelled pointing at Zabuza who blinked.

"When did you change?" Naruto wondered out loud.

"NOW WITH MY POWER OVER LIGHTNING I WILL FRY YOU! ROWGAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Dango screamed lightning tore from dagos body with a scream and electrocuted...EVERYONE! even Haku.

"WTF!" Zabuza shouted gayly and he sunk into the water and let go of kakashis bubble. Dango laughed and stopped being a lightning rod.

Kakashi steped onto the water and shoke his head.

"Thank god your on my side. As anoying as marry sues are they hold insain power." Kakashi mumbled to himself.

"DAAAAANGOOOO!" Naruto screamed as dango fell to the ground covered in scorch marks.

"YOUI HAVE FINALY DIED! YES!" Naruto screamed to the sky doing a happy dance.

"WITH MY HEALING POWER OF MY VOICE, I HEAL YOU DANGO! LALALALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Ai sang very off key, spinning around waving a small wight stick. sparkles enveloped Dango, lifting her off the ground and healing the scortch marks.

Dango spun back in her ninja cloaths and skiped off, ingnoring tazuna who was weeping on the ground.

000

"i'm so glad you were able to bring father back safly." Tsunami said at the table...

"your all going to die." The little kid said.

eveyone bliinked...

than laughed.

minus the marry sue's and stu.

"Thats a good one." Kakshi gasped. "The day I die with three marry sues on my side, Is the day all my enemy's are brought back to life to fight in a huge war."

"Dango already died, and Ai brought her back to life." Naruto said sullenly.

"There too awesome to die." Sakura added, flickering her eyes to Sasuke.

"Hn."

"Why would we die anyway?" Saya asked, raising a perfect eyebrow.

"Gato kills everyone!" Inari shouted slamming his fist on the table.

"Not unless we kill him first!" Naruto said pumping his fist into the air grinning.

"Gato kills everyone!" Inari repeated.

"You just said that." Ai pointed out smiling sweetly.

"Roasjgncvhlo" Inari malfunctioned and ran up to his room like the little kid he is. Ai smiled then stood stretching.

"Im bored, COME ON SASUKE-KUN! WE MUST WORK ON YOUR COMPLIMENTS!" Ai scooped up the emo stevie stu, and ran off into the village.

000

"Naruto-kun~" Dango purred siting on the freaked out ninjas lap.

"I love you~"

"And you freak me the fuck out!" Naruto shouted trying to untie the ropes that bound him to his bed...

"Naruto-Kun~"

"Your a fucking crazy ass bitch let me go!"

"What? NARUTO!"

WOMP!

"ITAA!" naruto blinked rubbing a snot bubble from his nose. He blinked sleeply at Sakura who had her hands on her hips.

"Huh?"

"You were talking in your sleep you idoit." Sakura huffed annoyed.

"Oh..."

"Jeeze what were you dreaming about anyways?"

Naruto turned pail.

"The unspeakable..."

000

"Right! Go over to that nice little old lady and ask to carry her heavy groceries for her!~" Saya said, pointing to a little old lady carring a small paper bag. Sasuke grunted, glaring at the mary sues.

"No."

"The book!~" Ai cooed holding up the frilly book of mary sues. Sasukes eye twitched but he sighed and did as he was told.

"Excuse me...m ma'am...m may i carry...your bag?" sasuke looked almost constipated as the old lady looked up at him smiling.

"Ohhh what a nice young man! Yes you may!" She handed the small paper bag to him and sasuke took it and was instantly pulled to the ground by the massive weight it held.

"What...the...h-hell is in hear? BRICKS!?" Sasuke asked, hefting the heavy paper sack with effort.

"Ohhh, not much...just my laundry!" The old woman said waving her hand dismissively.

O.O Sasuke lugged the bag to the Ladies house silent as the dead.

"Hear you are young man! Thank you so much for your help!" The old lady held out a glowy orb...and sasuke took it annoyed. it disappeared from his hand, and a small voice squeaked:

"received, 25 xp, and new power: Summoning The Joker." a small glow touched Sasuke's skin. Ai clapped.

"Only 10 xp till you level up! lets go!"

"What? EH?" sasuke spazzed, as the marry sue dragged him away. the old woman shuffled home oblivious to the children.

000

"Level complete, you have now reached Level 2."

Sasuke groaned, falling to the ground, rubbing his soar cheeks from learning how to smile. The three Mary-sues clapped appreciably.

"You are one more step closer to Stevie Stu!" Saya proclaimed proudly.

"Hn."

"You can also Summon Vocoloide! how sweet!" Dango said brightly.

"What is that anyway?"

"I'm not telling, but they're pretty sweet." Dango grinned patting Sasuke's back. Sasuke just sighed in defete and started walking back to tazunas houce.

"Hay where are you going?" Asked Saya tugging at sasukes sleave.

"im going to sleep."

"but we still have 8 more leves to go!" Ai yelled.

"yeha we want you to be level ten befor somethong bad hapens! Than you can be pure stevy and rock everyones socks!" Dango agreed waving her chibi sasuke flags.

"its two in the morning. Good night." Sasuke growled and stoped away.

Dango bit her lip woryedly.

"at this rate Sasuke will become a god mod... And not a good one. More like Demon mod. Becomeing an evil stu..." Dango said to her sisters in sue. They nodded, all watching the stevie stu go to bed.

"Untill than, We try guiding him to the light."

**Tee hee this is the next chapter! Hope you Flame! Love the creaters of the worst fanfiction ever!**


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